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Grief Is an Unwanted Friend

Published

11 months ago

October 14, 2025

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By Oye-Oyewo Olufoyekemi

Those who say time heals all wounds deserve a spot in the deepest part of hell. It’s been ten years and I still haven’t mourned Abdul, at least, not properly. And I still haven’t moved on; I find myself slowly drifting from sanity, each passing day a second off the ticking time bomb.

Ours was a forbidden love story. He was Hausa, Muslim, and I was Igbo, Christian.

Abdul and I met in our first year of uni. It was the first day of lectures after resuming for the second semester. The wind was less than happy that day and it was threatening to rain, and I had promised myself and Papa before resuming for the semester that I wouldn’t miss any classes in the new semester, so when I saw Sade, our course rep’s message on the group chat informing the class about an impromptu class with Dr Saheed, the strictest lecturer in our department, I threw on whatever I could find and ran to class. That was when I first met Abdul. He was the new student in our class that everybody had been whispering about but dared not to talk about. From the whispers, I heard that he was a politician’s son and had only joined our school on account of his father’s promise during a campaign. It was little wonder that our school had accepted him in the second semester. It was during our second class of the day, Dr Tadesere’s, that we really met. We had been paired together as partners for a practical project, and he walked over to introduce himself to me. The rest, they say, is history.

Abdul was intelligent. I didn’t use the word smart because I don’t want to downplay his intelligence. He was the first person I knew who solved mathematical problems for comfort. He always said it had a way of calming him down. He also had a flair for teaching difficult topics to our course mates, and boy, was he good at chess. He was the only one I considered my rival in all things academics because, for the first time since primary school, I finally found someone who surpassed me in every course and did so effortlessly. Surprisingly, however, Abdul was not street-smart, and I blame it partly on his upbringing. He had been spoon-fed his entire life and was used to things being given to him, so he never had the experience of an average Nigerian. He was also emotionally intelligent. He knew what to say and when to say it. He also knew when not to say anything and give you space.

Abdul was very athletic. Looking back now, I think this was why I fell in love with him, a devout Muslim whose beliefs stood against everything I believed in. Abdul was a member of our university’s track and field team. I remember when I first watched him run. It was at our university’s annual inter-faculty competition, and he had been the last leg for our faculty and had been given the baton last, but he managed to push through and came second, but he was displeased with himself. That day, he had the biggest frown on his face and the moment I caught it was the exact moment I fell in love with him. He was competitive, just like I was.

Abdul was driven. On our first date, in our second semester of 300-level, his first question to me was what were my goals for the future. I was taken aback because I had expected the usual questions, but this felt different and I liked it. I told him that my dream was to be the best I could be, and he laughed and called it vague. That night, after I got home, I sat for the first time and pondered on what I really wanted to achieve in my lifetime. He had shifted something in me.

Abdul was 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Abdul was love. I remember when we had just started dating in 400-level that I received a call from my older brother that my favourite uncle, Uncle Uche, had passed away, Abdul was there to comfort me. He had skipped lectures that day and had come to my room and had just sat with me and let me cry. After I had finished crying, he told me to tell him all about my favourite uncle, so I started right from my earliest memory of him—when I was three and he had gotten me a Barbie doll—to the last time I saw him, which was a day before I had left Enugu to resume 400-level, when he had come to our house with suya to say goodbye to his ‘only child’, his term of endearment for me. I spoke about Uncle Uche for hours and Abdul sat there and listened. Not once did he complain.

The day he introduced me to his parents for the first time, right after he had proposed to me, three years after we had graduated from university, I saw a different side of Abdul that I had never seen before. He told his parents off when they said he couldn’t marry an Igbo woman, let alone a Christian. He stood with me, fought for me and had even threatened to elope with me which frightened his parents. After we left their house, I asked him if he was serious about eloping or if he had said it just to frighten his parents, and he told me he meant every word. That day, I fell in love all over again. The love he had for me was glaring for the entire world to see. His parents later came around.

My parents were harder to convince than Abdul’s parents because I was their Ada, but seeing Abdul’s love for me, they gave their blessings. In less than a year after Abdul’s proposal, we got married.

Abdul was a terror. The first time Abdul hit me was ten years ago, when I was pregnant with our first child, Alima. We had gotten into an argument on how we were going to raise the child because I said I wanted her christened by my family pastor. I thought he would understand because of the nightmares I had been having previously regarding our child, but he called it an abomination and said that no child of his would be christened. It was during that argument that his hand slipped and met my face, an action he called the greatest regret of his entire life after he bought me a bag I had been dreaming of buying as an apology gift. That was the day I truly lost him.

That day, however, I was too blinded by the gift to see him for who he really was—a monster. After that day, his ‘mistakes’ became regular till even after I had Alima, and it continued till two years ago when I was pregnant with our twins and he kicked me in the stomach and I lost them. That day, something in me changed, so while the house was asleep, I went into the kitchen, picked up my favourite knife and stabbed him while he was sleeping on our matrimonial bed. The flow of crimson liquid from his limp body made my heart jump, and for the first time since he first laid his hands on me, my body relaxed. I had avenged the death of my twins and the four more that were before them whom I had lost to his cruel hands.

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Atiku Knocks Tinubu Over Three-Week Europe Vacation

Published

3 hours ago

August 31, 2026

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Former Vice-President and African Democratic Congress (ADC) presidential candidate, Atiku Abubakar, has criticised President Bola Tinubu for embarking on a three-week vacation in Europe while Nigeria grapples with economic hardship, insecurity and other challenges.

Tinubu is currently travelling to Europe as part of his annual leave, with presidential aide Sunday Dare describing the trip as well deserved, given the President’s workload.

But Atiku, in a statement posted on his social media handles on Sunday, questioned the timing of the President’s departure, arguing that the country requires strong political leadership amid mounting difficulties.

According to Atiku, although there is no constitutional vacuum in Nigeria, there is “a disturbing vacuum of political leadership.”

He said the President was leaving behind a country where petrol prices remain high, families are struggling to afford food, transport fares have become increasingly burdensome and insecurity continues to claim lives.

“Atiku said the fact that Vice-President Kashim Shettima is also outside the country on official duty at the African Union Extraordinary Session in Luanda, Angola, makes Tinubu’s decision to travel even more difficult to understand.

“Leadership is not merely the constitutional right to occupy an office; it is the judgment to know when your country needs you at home,” he said.

Using a family analogy, Atiku said a father would not leave for the airport when his house was on fire and members of his family were trapped inside.

He stressed that his criticism was not against a President taking time to rest or travelling abroad, but against doing so when the country is facing what he described as serious economic and security challenges.

Atiku further accused the Tinubu administration of making Nigeria increasingly expensive for ordinary citizens.

“Millions of Nigerians are being grounded by hardship while their President is airborne. The people can barely afford to move, but the President keeps moving,” he said.

He added that a government that could not appreciate the hardship experienced by citizens would struggle to develop the political will needed to address it.

“Tinubu made Nigeria expensive. I will make Nigeria affordable again,” Atiku declared.

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Tinubu takes South Africa xenophobia row to AU, demands action

Published

4 hours ago

August 31, 2026

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President Bola Tinubu has taken Nigeria’s concerns over recurring xenophobic and Afrophobic attacks in South Africa to the African Union (AU), demanding urgent continental action to protect the safety, dignity and rights of Africans across the continent.

Tinubu, who spoke through Vice President Kashim Shettima at the 21st Extraordinary Session of the Assembly of Heads of State and Government of the African Union in Luanda, Angola, said the attacks undermined the ideals of African solidarity, unity and peaceful coexistence.

The President called on the AU to place the issue on the agenda of its 40th Ordinary Session of the Assembly scheduled for January 2027, for consideration and appropriate action by African leaders.

“Nigeria wishes to express its concern over the recurring xenophobic and Afrophobic attacks against Africans and other nationals in South Africa,” Tinubu said.

While acknowledging South Africa’s sovereign right to enforce its immigration laws and its contributions to the continent, the President stressed that such attacks could not be divorced from Africa’s broader commitment to unity and solidarity.

“While recognising South Africa’s sovereign right to enforce its immigration laws and acknowledging its contributions to the continent, Nigeria stresses that such attacks undermine African solidarity, unity and peaceful coexistence, and require urgent collective attention,” he said.

He added: “It is on this note that Nigeria calls on this august Assembly to place the matter on the agenda of the upcoming 40th Ordinary Session of the AU Assembly, scheduled for January 2027, for consideration and appropriate action.”

Tinubu urged the continental body and member states to intensify efforts to combat xenophobia and Afrophobia, stressing that dialogue, preventive diplomacy and collective action remained critical to preserving African unity.

The President’s intervention came against the backdrop of Nigeria’s longstanding concern over attacks and hostility directed at Nigerians and other African nationals in South Africa.

On the wider security challenges confronting the continent, Tinubu backed the adoption of the Luanda Action Plan as a practical framework for strengthening conflict prevention and addressing the root causes of instability.

He argued that preventing conflicts remained more cost-effective and sustainable than attempting to manage them after they had escalated.
“For Nigeria, conflict prevention remains more cost-effective and sustainable than conflict management,” the President said.

He, however, warned that fragmented peace initiatives and growing external interference through foreign military forces, mercenaries and private defence contractors could undermine the AU’s conflict-prevention architecture and weaken the principle of African ownership.

Tinubu also called on arms-producing and exporting countries to strengthen cooperation with African states to prevent weapons and ammunition manufactured within their jurisdictions from being diverted to terrorists and other non-state armed groups.

According to him, although the AU has established mechanisms for conflict prevention and resolution, limited trust among member states and inconsistent implementation have continued to constrain their effectiveness.

“The growing reliance on external actors risks weakening African institutions and the principle of African ownership,” he warned, urging member states to renew their commitment to collective responsibility for Africa’s peace and security.

Nigeria also supported sustainable and predictable financing for AU peace operations, as well as the full operationalisation of United Nations Security Council Resolution 2719, aimed at strengthening the continental body’s capacity to respond effectively to conflicts and crises.

Tinubu urged African leaders to recommit to home-grown solutions, deeper cooperation and shared responsibility in confronting the continent’s security challenges.

“Let us therefore renew our collective commitment to solidarity, cooperation, and shared responsibility as we build the Africa we want,” the President said.

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Jay-Jay Okocha Steals the Show with Emotional Father-Daughter Dance at Daughter Daniella’s Marbella Wedding

Published

4 hours ago

August 31, 2026

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Nigerian football legend Austin “Jay-Jay” Okocha has melted hearts online after sharing a joyful and emotional father-daughter dance with his daughter, Daniella, at her glamorous wedding in Marbella, Spain.

The touching moment took place on Saturday, August 29, 2026, during the lavish destination wedding of 27-year-old Daniella and her husband, Leonard Okorocha.

Daniella, a law graduate, and Leonard had previously celebrated their union with legal and traditional wedding ceremonies in Lagos earlier in the year before taking their celebrations to the Spanish coast for their grand white wedding.

At the Marbella ceremony, Daniella looked stunning in an elegant, flowing beaded wedding gown as she joined her famous father on the dance floor.

Okocha, one of Nigeria’s most celebrated footballers, appeared in high spirits as he danced alongside his daughter, displaying the same playful energy and charisma that made him a global football icon.

Videos from the celebration quickly made their way onto social media, with thousands of fans reacting to the heartwarming display between the football legend and his daughter.

Music executive Paulo Okoye, who attended the wedding, shared a video of the special moment online with the simple caption, “Father and daughter dance.”

The footage showed Okocha enjoying the moment with Daniella as guests celebrated around them, offering fans a glimpse into a more personal side of the former Super Eagles captain.

Okocha’s legendary football career was built on extraordinary skill, creativity and entertaining footwork, qualities that earned him worldwide recognition and made the phrase “Jay-Jay, so good they named him twice” synonymous with his football legacy.

However, it was his role as a proud father that took centre stage in Marbella as he celebrated one of the biggest milestones in his daughter’s life.

The emotional dance also triggered nostalgic reactions from fans who remembered watching Okocha produce some of his most memorable performances during his playing career, including his appearances for Nigeria at the 1994 FIFA World Cup.

Many social media users praised the warmth between father and daughter, while others commented on how quickly Daniella had grown from a child into a bride.

The moment also resonated because of its simplicity. Away from the glamour surrounding the destination wedding, Okocha was simply a father celebrating his daughter as she began a new chapter of her life.

The Marbella ceremony brought together family, friends and prominent personalities for a glamorous celebration filled with music, dancing and memorable moments.

As images and videos from the wedding continue to circulate online, the father-daughter dance has emerged as one of the most widely celebrated moments from the occasion.

For Okocha, whose football career gave millions of Nigerians unforgettable memories, the Marbella celebration provided another special moment—this time not on a football pitch, but on the dance floor with his daughter.
Daniella and Leonard have continued to receive congratulatory messages from family, friends and well-wishers as they begin their journey together as husband and wife.