By Francesca Hangeior
There’s a clear line between earning your child’s respect and simply expecting it because you’re the parent.
This line lies in the habits we exhibit. Our kids pick up on these habits, and as they grow, they either respect us more or less because of them.
If you want your child to respect you as they get older, there are certain habits you need to let go of.
In this article, we’ll be exploring 7 of these habits that could be standing in the way of gaining your child’s respect.
1) Being overly authoritative
Maintaining discipline is crucial when raising children, but there’s a thin line between discipline and dictatorship.
Often, parents fall into the trap of establishing an overly authoritative environment. We might think it’s the best way to maintain order, but in the long run, it can lead to a lack of respect.
When children feel like their voices are not heard, they start seeing their parents as oppressors rather than mentors. Don’t get me wrong, setting boundaries is important. But it’s equally key to allow your child some autonomy. Let them make decisions and learn from their mistakes.
This way, your child will not only respect you more as they grow older, but they’ll also develop valuable life skills.
2) Not practicing what you preach
This one hit home for me. I remember how my daughter used to love drawing. One day, she drew on the wall, and I scolded her for it. Yet later that week, she saw me marking measurements on the wall for a new painting.
She was confused and asked me why I could draw on the wall and she couldn’t.
That day, I realized that children learn more from our actions than our words. It dawned on me that if I wanted her to respect the house rules, I had to abide by them too.
Letting go of this habit will not only earn you your child’s respect but also help them understand the importance of integrity and consistency. After all, we can’t expect them to respect us if we’re not respecting the rules ourselves.
3) Dismissing their interests
Did you know that by the age of three, children start developing their own interests? These interests can range from dinosaurs and princesses to even complex things like the solar system.
When parents dismiss or belittle these interests, it can be quite discouraging for a child. It sends a message that their passions aren’t important.
But if you take an active interest in what your child enjoys, you’re showing them that their thoughts and feelings matter to you. It helps them feel validated and respected.
4) Neglecting promises
Promises to a child are like law. When we keep our promises, we show them that we are reliable and trustworthy. But when we break them, even for seemingly small things, it can shake their trust in us.
Think about it, if you promised to take your child to the park over the weekend but you end up cancelling, it sends a message that your commitments aren’t important.
Keep in mind, our actions set a precedent. If we don’t honor our commitments, how can we expect our children to honor theirs?
So make a conscious effort to keep your promises, no matter how small they may seem. It’s a simple step towards building respect and trust with your child.
5) Avoiding difficult conversations
When my son first asked me about the concept of death, I was taken aback. It was a topic I was not prepared to discuss with him. I initially tried to skirt around the question, but he was persistent.
Eventually, I realized that if I didn’t discuss these difficult topics with him, someone else would. And they might not explain it in a way that’s appropriate or sensitive.
Avoiding tough conversations can create a communication gap between you and your child. They may feel that they can’t approach you with serious or sensitive issues.
By being open and honest, even when the topic is uncomfortable, you show your child that they can trust you with anything. This openness fosters respect and encourages a deeper connection with your child.
6) Always solving their problems
As parents, it’s instinctual to want to protect our children from hardship and solve problems for them. But doing this all the time can hinder their ability to learn problem-solving skills on their own.
When we jump in to fix everything, we inadvertently send the message that we don’t trust their capability to handle situations. This can impact their self-esteem and affect the respect they have for us.
Instead, guide them towards finding solutions rather than providing them outright. This not only helps them become independent thinkers but also strengthens their respect for you as they see you as a mentor rather than a fixer.
7) Not showing them respect
This is perhaps the most critical point. If you want your child to respect you as they get older, you must first show them respect.
Respect their time, their feelings, their thoughts, and their space. Teach them that respect is a two-way street.
By treating your child with the respect they deserve, you model the behavior you wish to see in return. It’s a fundamental principle of mutual respect that can transform your relationship with your child.