Relationship

My wife has put on weight and I’m no longer attracted to her. What should I do?

Published

6 months ago

May 24, 2024

I’m in my early 50s and am starting to find my wife not sexually attractive any more. Over the years she has gradually put on weight to the point she now weighs more than me; I’m 6ft and normal weight for an athletic, active man. I’ve got mixed, conflicted feelings about it.

On a physical basis I don’t like it, but she’s now started walking with a different gait and I find myself disgusted and pitying her. On a medical basis, it can’t be good long term.

I have mentioned it in the past and asked her to make lifestyle changes, which last three to four weeks. It’s making me feel resentful and not respected. I feel as if I shouldn’t have to ask my wife to be a reasonable weight. But I’m simultaneously avoiding the issue because I don’t want to humiliate and upset her. How to address this?

Eleanor says: I’m going to set aside your concerns about your wife’s health. Partly because – as I’ve written before – there’s evidence people can be healthy regardless of their weight. Mainly though, it sounds as though the way this matters to you isn’t primarily to do with her health.

If it were, we should also be talking about her sleep habits, stress levels and carcinogen intake. It sounds like the way this matters to you is that you find her less attractive.

Long-term monogamy asks us to find one person attractive, instead of all others, in perpetuity. This is hard. We all change as we age, and maintaining a marriage will – if we’re lucky! – mean we’re still excluding all others when we’re liver-spotted and all out of collagen. Attraction shifts a lot in the intervening decades, and it’s OK to struggle with those transitions.

You say you feel “disgusted” and “not respected”. It sounds like weight is wrapped up with a lot of moralised failures for you; like you attribute laziness to her, slovenliness, disregard for how you experience her. This just isn’t a good inference. People’s weight changes for all kinds of reasons, especially as we age and our hormones change.

Why does her weight make you feel this way, rather than any other “lifestyle change” or feature of her appearance? Do you also feel you “shouldn’t have to ask” her to maintain her hair, her clothes? What about sleep, which is also a huge predictor of long-term health and possibly day-to-day attractiveness, too?

What if she someday feels disgusted and disrespected by your greying hair, your wrinkling skin, your loss of muscle?

It’s one thing to struggle with finding your partner attractive. It’s another to ascribe a failing to your partner in light of that; to feel contempt for them, or like they are beneath you. It will be vital for the viability of your marriage that you’re able to separate these feelings.

That’s true even purely from the standpoint of self-interest, too. Nobody is a bigger freak in the sheets and more excited to invest in attractiveness than somebody who thinks their partner worships them. And nobody tries to hide their body away and recoils from touch more surely than someone who can smell their partner’s contempt.

Glamour, sexiness, investment in yourself – these all require a degree of confidence that your effort will be worthwhile; that you won’t be humiliated by being judged and found wanting even with your red lipstick on. She will be able to tell that you feel disgusted by her. I promise you this will not lead her to aspire to being “less disgusting”.

Attraction waning is one thing. But don’t confuse that for a moral insight about your wife. If you cannot separate those feelings, you’d do her a kindness by leaving. But you may regret the conflation of appearance and moral value once your own body begins to change under you.

Education

LP speaks on alleged strange romance with Tinubu over 2027 presidential race

Published

22 hours ago

November 23, 2024

Kayode Sanni-Arewa

The Labour Party (LP) has strongly rejected rumors suggesting that it is in a partnership with President Bola Tinubu in anticipation of the 2027 elections. These rumors claimed that the LP had struck an agreement to support Tinubu’s bid for a second term should he choose to run.

In response, the LP’s National Publicity Secretary, Mr. Obiora Ifoh, issued a statement on Friday, labeling these allegations as baseless and unfounded. He emphasized that the party has continually dismissed any notion of collaboration with the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC) concerning the upcoming 2027 general elections.

Ifoh asserted that the Labour Party remains the most prominent opposition party in Nigeria, with the party’s National Chairman, Barrister Julius Abure, being a leading critic of the current government. “Our National Chairman is at the forefront of challenging the policies of the government, consistently voicing opposition to the actions of the current administration,” Ifoh said.

The spokesperson also highlighted the party’s ongoing efforts to strengthen Nigeria’s democracy. These include the establishment of an Electoral Reform Committee aimed at ensuring free, fair, and transparent elections, as well as the introduction of an e-membership registration system that has already attracted a significant number of new members.

Ifoh further expressed disappointment over the defamatory nature of the rumors, calling it “ridiculous and unfortunate” for anyone to attempt to undermine the Labour Party’s efforts in such a manner. “For anyone to try to tarnish the reputation of a party that is actively working to reshape the political landscape in Nigeria is truly unfortunate,” he remarked.

Finally, the Labour Party spokesperson challenged Deji Adeyanju and anyone else promoting such claims to provide concrete evidence to support their accusations. “We call on Deji Adeyanju and others to present factual proof if they believe that the leadership of our party or Mr. Abure has any intention of working with President Tinubu or the APC for the 2027 elections,” Ifoh stated firmly.

Education

BREAKING! END of road for Fubara as FG halts allocation

Published

1 day ago

November 22, 2024

Naijablitznews

The Federal government has confirmed that it has stopped the October monthly Federation Account Allocation Committee, FAAC revenue payment to Rivers State amid the ongoing crisis in the oil rich state.

The Spokesperson of the Office of the Accountant General of the Federation, Bawa Mokwa, disclosed this exclusively to an online newspaper on Friday.

This comes as the Nigerian Government on Wednesday announced the approval for the disbursement of N1.1411 trillion as the October 2024 Federation Accounts Allocation Revenue to Federal, State, and local government councils.

However, a report emerged that FAAC revenue in October was not disbursed to Rivers State following a court stopping the Central Bank of Nigeria and the Nigerian government from carrying out such action.

Reacting to the development, Mokwa said the OAGF as a government agency will respect the court order.

Meanwhile, he stated that the October monthly FAAC revenue has not been disbursed to respective states as of filing the report.

“What I got is that the October 2024 FAAC has not been distributed yet. However, the Federal Government will obey the court order on the matter of Rivers State allocation.

“We are going to follow due diligence as long as there is no contrary order. In case there is a contrary, the status will remain,” he revealed.

He added, “The process of disbursement of the October 2024 monthly allocation is going.”.

Recall that on October 30, this year, Justice Abdulmalik of the Federal High Court barred CBN and the Nigerian government from disbursing monthly allocations to the Rivers State government.

This comes after an originating summons filed by the factional Rivers State Assembly, led by Martin Amaewhule.

The Amaewhule case was based on the grounds that the Rivers State Executive, under the leadership of Simi Fubara, was yet to comply with the order of a Federal High Court directing it to re-present the 2024 appropriation bill to the Amaewhule-led faction of the Rivers State House of Assembly.

In the past month, the Amaewhule faction, backed by Wike, former Governor of Rivers State, had been in a political battle with Fubara.

Recall that upon the emergence of Fubara as governor, he fell apart with his predecessor, Wike, which had led to a month-long crisis in the oil-rich state.

Daily Post

Education

No feud between Akpabio, Bamidele

Published

2 days ago

November 22, 2024

Naijablitznews

Senate Leader, Opeyemi Bamidele has denied ever having any altercation with the Senate President, Godswill Akpabio.

This was contained in a statement issued by his media office noting that:

“Our attention has been drawn to fake news currently being circulated on the X handle of one Jackson Ude, a known serial blackmailer and cash-and-carry journalist.

“The post is about an alleged altercation and physical fight between Leader of the Senate, Senator Opeyemi Bamidele and President of the Senate, Senator Godswill Akpabio on Wednesday.

“For the record, it is a verifiable fact that Senator Bamidele has never been involved in physical assault in over two decades of his political trajectory, not even when he was a young man leading the National Association of Nigerian Students (NANS) as President.

“It is surprising that the purveyor of this misleading information in his selfish agenda and unprofessional conduct threw ethos of Journalism into waste bin and decided to feast on roadside gists to tarnish the image of the Senate Leader.

“We are aware that the fake news is meant to cause disaffection within the Senate and by extension; heating up the political system.

“To think that the Senate Leader, President of the Senate and other principal officers of the Senate together received the Chinese Ambassador to Nigeria, Mr. YU Dunhai and his delegation few minutes after leaving the plenary on Wednesday is a significant testimony against Ude’s imagination.

“Further to this, photographs of the Chinese envoys with the leadership of the Senate were widely published in today’s major national newspapers. It is equally verifiable that the Senate Leader and the Senate President both drove out of the National Assembly premises in the same vehicle yesterday.

“This time again, the Senate Leader is sounding a note of warning to all attention seekers in the ilk of Ude to be careful and not take the Leader’s gentlemanliness for granted.

“Henceforth, the Leader will be forced to use the instrumentality of the law to protect himself and his office as enshrined in the CyberCrime Act 2015.

” We, therefore, urge the public to disregard this misinformation and treat it with the disrespect it entirely deserves.