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My wife has put on weight and I’m no longer attracted to her. What should I do?

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I’m in my early 50s and am starting to find my wife not sexually attractive any more. Over the years she has gradually put on weight to the point she now weighs more than me; I’m 6ft and normal weight for an athletic, active man. I’ve got mixed, conflicted feelings about it.

On a physical basis I don’t like it, but she’s now started walking with a different gait and I find myself disgusted and pitying her. On a medical basis, it can’t be good long term.

I have mentioned it in the past and asked her to make lifestyle changes, which last three to four weeks. It’s making me feel resentful and not respected. I feel as if I shouldn’t have to ask my wife to be a reasonable weight. But I’m simultaneously avoiding the issue because I don’t want to humiliate and upset her. How to address this?

Eleanor says: I’m going to set aside your concerns about your wife’s health. Partly because – as I’ve written before – there’s evidence people can be healthy regardless of their weight. Mainly though, it sounds as though the way this matters to you isn’t primarily to do with her health.

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If it were, we should also be talking about her sleep habits, stress levels and carcinogen intake. It sounds like the way this matters to you is that you find her less attractive.

Long-term monogamy asks us to find one person attractive, instead of all others, in perpetuity. This is hard. We all change as we age, and maintaining a marriage will – if we’re lucky! – mean we’re still excluding all others when we’re liver-spotted and all out of collagen. Attraction shifts a lot in the intervening decades, and it’s OK to struggle with those transitions.

You say you feel “disgusted” and “not respected”. It sounds like weight is wrapped up with a lot of moralised failures for you; like you attribute laziness to her, slovenliness, disregard for how you experience her. This just isn’t a good inference. People’s weight changes for all kinds of reasons, especially as we age and our hormones change.

Why does her weight make you feel this way, rather than any other “lifestyle change” or feature of her appearance? Do you also feel you “shouldn’t have to ask” her to maintain her hair, her clothes? What about sleep, which is also a huge predictor of long-term health and possibly day-to-day attractiveness, too?

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What if she someday feels disgusted and disrespected by your greying hair, your wrinkling skin, your loss of muscle?

It’s one thing to struggle with finding your partner attractive. It’s another to ascribe a failing to your partner in light of that; to feel contempt for them, or like they are beneath you. It will be vital for the viability of your marriage that you’re able to separate these feelings.

That’s true even purely from the standpoint of self-interest, too. Nobody is a bigger freak in the sheets and more excited to invest in attractiveness than somebody who thinks their partner worships them. And nobody tries to hide their body away and recoils from touch more surely than someone who can smell their partner’s contempt.

Glamour, sexiness, investment in yourself – these all require a degree of confidence that your effort will be worthwhile; that you won’t be humiliated by being judged and found wanting even with your red lipstick on. She will be able to tell that you feel disgusted by her. I promise you this will not lead her to aspire to being “less disgusting”.

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Attraction waning is one thing. But don’t confuse that for a moral insight about your wife. If you cannot separate those feelings, you’d do her a kindness by leaving. But you may regret the conflation of appearance and moral value once your own body begins to change under you.

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13 Signs A Woman Wants To Have Sex With You

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Women are complicated beings in the world and difficult to understand at times. They may seem to be nice to you at one point and make you think they are into you, but yet turn out to be something different altogether.

Some can even let you have the feeling that they want to have something intimate with you, and that is where a lot of men get it wrong and destroy their relationship with the very girl.

Let’s look at it metaphorically. What she wants isn’t necessarily your penis. For sure, it’s a bonus, but she wants your masculine energy, which is what is drawing her attention.

You have to figure out if your masculine energy is something she’s interested in getting to know on an intimate level. If you’re not sure and you make a wrong move, you could easily end up embarrassing yourself.

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Below are 13 signs a woman may wants to sleep with you:

1. She Hints That She Lives Alone:

Women are careful about their safety and privacy, especially with men they barely know. So, if she casually mentions that she lives alone, this is rarely random.

She’s dropping a breadcrumb. She’s subtly showing comfort with the idea of you being in her personal space.

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2. She Invites You to Her Place:

The “come over” invite is a bold move that signals trust and attraction. But women rarely spell it out as, “Come over so we can hook up.” Instead, it’ll be disguised as something innocent

Women create plausible deniability. This allows her to test your interest without feeling judged. Play it cool and confident. If she invites you, it’s already on her mind.

3. She Brings Up Sexual Topics:

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When a woman wants you, she’ll test the waters by steering the conversation into more intimate territory.

She might ask playful, sexual questions or make subtle innuendos. This is her way of gauging your vibe and comfort with sexual topics.

4. Her Body Language Says “I Want You”:

Women communicate more with their bodies than their words. When she’s interested, her body language will change in these ways: She gets closer to you physically. She touches her hair, neck, or lips while talking to you.

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She bites or licks her lips, especially while maintaining eye contact. She adjusts her posture to emphasize her curves (arching her back, leaning forward).

5. Her Texts Turn Flirtatious:

Texting is where women reveal their interest indirectly. If her messages start to include: Emojis with suggestive undertones (winks, lips, or peaches).

Compliments about your looks or masculinity. Questions about your plans late at night.

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6. She Finds Excuses to Touch You

Touch is one of the most obvious signs a woman wants you. Women don’t touch men they aren’t interested in—period.

If she’s touching you, it’s deliberate: Brushing against your arm. Placing her hand on your leg during conversation

Hugging you longer than necessary. “Accidentally” bumping into you multiple times. One of the boldest moves is if she touches your chest or abs. This is her testing your reaction and subtly escalating physical intimacy. Touch isn’t accidental, it’s intentional escalation.

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7. She Opens Up About Personal Details:

When a woman shares intimate or vulnerable details about her life, she’s building emotional connection. This is a precursor to physical intimacy. Because women need to feel emotionally comfortable before going further.

Talking about her childhood, family, or past relationships. Opening up about her fears, goals, or dreams. Sharing personal stories she wouldn’t tell just anyone. If she’s letting you into her emotional world, she’s signaling trust. And trust is step one to getting her in bed.

8. She Laughs at Everything You Say

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Here’s the secret: Women laugh when they’re attracted, and they laugh even harder when they’re turned on. You don’t need to be hilarious. She’s laughing because she likes you. Signs: She laughs at jokes no one else finds funny.

She giggles after everything you say, even if it’s not a joke. She tells you, “Stop making me laugh!” while clearly enjoying it.

Laughter is how women show approval and create a connection. If she’s smiling and laughing around you constantly, it’s a green light.

9. She’s sitting very close to you

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One of the easiest signs a woman wants to sleep with you will be her physical proximity to you. It signifies a certain emotional proximity as well. And if you feel that despite there being a lot of room beside you and across you, she still choose to sit right next to you with pretty much no breathing space in between, she’s definitely into you. And if you play your cards right, she might even take you home tonight!

10. You get complimented often

Now this could be because of one or two things:

She’s really into you and pays more attention to you than she normally would. And this makes your efforts on grooming yourself stand out for her

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She wants to flatter you so that you can warm up to her and become at ease when the subject of sex comes up.

Her compliments can also be sexual, like, “nice ass” or “nice abs”.

11. She licks or bites her lips

It could be consciously or subconsciously, but either way this gesture means she’s sexually attracted to you. In fact, it’s one of the clearest signs a woman wants to sleep with you.

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12. She shares her food with you

And even takes bites out of your plate. Some might go to the extent of eating food from the same spoon or fork as yours. And this is nothing but a very direct indication of the fact that she’s interested in having sex with you. I mean, come on! Why else would she eat from your plate, a gesture that’s reserved for family, friends or partners?

13. She gives sexual innuendos

Look, women don’t often discuss sex openly with guys they’ve just met. So a way around is to use double meaning words or jokes, coupled with suggestive glance and touches, through which women try to put their point across.

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Relationship

Don’t argue with your wife if you want your marriage to last – Mahama advices married men

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President John Mahama has advised married men to avoid arguing with their wives if they want their marriages to last.

Sharing his experience during a courtesy call by a delegation from the Western Regional House of Chiefs, led by its President, Nana Kwabena Nketia V which also coincided with President Mahama’s 33rd wedding anniversary, he said “I’ll tell you a very funny story,” he said.

“When we achieved 30 years of marriage, it was a big celebration. We were sitting in our pastor’s office after church and talking about the celebration that was coming so my wife started saying ‘Pastor, don’t you see? This marriage has survived because of me. Otherwise, this man, who would want to marry him?’”

“I made the mistake of arguing and saying, ‘Oh, it’s because of me? I am the calm one, I am the patient one that is why the marriage has reached 30 years and arguing my pastor was looking at me in a funny way and he pulled me aside and said why were you wasting your time? You know you can never win that argument.”

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“So in the following year, we were celebrating our 31st anniversary and we were sitting at the same place and people were congratulating us. And my wife brought up the same subject that this marriage has survived because of me and I remembered what my pastor had said, so I just said, ‘Yes, it has lasted because of you. I thank God for your life. I couldn’t have got a better wife than you.’”

“She looked at me and said, are you correct? Did you wake up well? “So never argue with your wife.”

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Relationship

VIDEO; Are Islamic marriages legal? Watch details on Your family Lawyer (Here)

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Again, seasoned lawyer Barrister Chinye Chuma digs out legal intricacies of Islamic marriages in yesterday, Saturday episode of ‘Your Family Lawyer ‘.

Watch video below:

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